Narcissus’ Love Song
I thought I made you up inside my head
But now, you’re dead, so all the dice
Roll to a stop
The surface escapes
I am lying in a pool of my own blood
The sky is falling
Like a shattered mirror
The shards reflecting stars
Collapsing in on me
I thought I made you up inside my head
I thought I might release you
Empty you from your essential heaven
And barricade you with mortar and stone
Before I become you
But if I do we both might disappear
Killing Time
Time skitters
Anywhere
Shameful to say
I feel like
I’m killing time
And sometimes wonder
Why i’m tethered to this world
Myself
I’m
Tethered to time
Returning the favor
Killing me softly
With its song
Running my whole life
Through the threshing wheel
Killing me slowly
With its long tendrils
Running a string down my spine
Killing me gently
Without remorse
I am
Myself again
Whole again
New again
The sun rises
We join hands
& kill each other
Again
A Demoralizing Poem
Show me a demoralizing poem. I’m sick of being inspired. I’ve had just about all the inspiration I can stomach for one lifetime. I want to wallow in something hopeless. Give me death or give me liberty (at least) from flower poems and self-actualization. I want Sylvia Plath to rip my heart out. Show me the depravity of this world. The shocking cruelty of it all. The base nature that can erupt from each and every one of us given the proper circumstances. Show me our ravenous greed. I want truth, not beauty. Those who confuse beauty and truth become fascists. Always appealing to a singular standard. Always reducing everyone to an ideal.
If you’re not familiar, let me welcome you to the truth. The world is filled with passive order followers who will torture and murder on the word of authority. Fuck human nature and anything that glorifies it. Show me some self-loathing to build character. Fuck your confidence. It’s overrated. Wallow in agony and I’ll see your truth.
Whatever doesn’t kill you
Brings you closer to death
& closer still
We fall into survival processing
Anxiety-driven impulses
That drive up our blood pressure
Leading to heart failure
I Love You to Death
When male and female anglerfish mate, the male angelfish latches onto the female and is slowly absorbed into her body until the two form a single bloodstream.
If I had a womb, I would put you inside of it
Let you fester deep within me
Behold my death, it’s glory casting rivulets
Of blood from your wrists
And me drinking every bit of your thirst
Like a lying enemy who isn’t where he appears
I am in two places at once now
In front of you and behind you
You are suffocating perfectly
In a perfect sympathy
From which your lips
Purse enigmatically and I
Put my ear in a box until
All of your dreams come true
The Curse
I am
piece by piece
to pieces
a piece a part
of me
Yearning to be whole
The Girl with Imaginary Eyes
She couldn’t help
But always be naked
It was in her
To never rhyme
But always reason
Her way out of a rhythm
And when she walked
It was always sideways
Blinking at the starlight
I met her when
The world was still young
The sun had yet to meet the moon
The stars were pulsing
to the rhythm of the first song
And Night had just been born
And she sputtered starlight
Through her eyes, bright with seeing
To anchor the shame to a far away shore
Untouched as yet by dusk or dawn
We matched rhythms in the twilight
Of undifferentiated energy
And bundled ourselves
Into twisted knots
Stomach Bug
I knew it was over
When I started blowing
dry farts into the toilet
When you have the stomach flu
You must exercise extreme caution
With every fart lest you be doing laundry
To rid your pants of shit
Every fart is a possible landmine of gooey butt sludge
You'll run out of pants if you're not careful
Farts, usually heralding a comfortable satisfied feeling,
Are now your enemy
Yes, stomach flus can turn once beloved friends into enemies
That is the true evil behind its power
It completely destroys your ability to function
As a social being
Nobody wants to be around a shit pants man
And there’s no telling when that bell’s about to ring
So hunker down shitty fellow
And brace yourself for a lonely night
Of writing obscene poetry
For relief
Beware of Narratives
Beware of narratives
They arrange the truth to form a fiction
They just want to produce a feeling
Narratives are drugs
To elicit emotions
In a tactical fashion
Narratives have more agency
Than men
Who fall to the siren song
& the gentle play of emotions
Like musical notes in an orchestra
Levying your allegiance
Slowly lowering your resistance
Flowing into a melody it lures you
To believe yourself behind until
You’re seeing everything from a single lens
And there you have it
The narrative has more agency
Than the believer
Why do they choose forgetting?
All I remember
Nothing compares to whatever
it takes to forget
Facing the Page
I face the page again
A dire consequence of my obsession
To see something reflected in these lines
That resonates with a reader
I face the page again to connect with myself
Along with others who may vaguely understand
The troubled musings of a liquidated author
Who eats allegories for breakfast
And shits run on sentences in the form of poetry
And cruelly mocks the rules of English grammar
In favor of a discordant melody
Which winds out of time
To its own drumbeat
The Disturbing Power of Faith
The devastating thing about it was
Just how quickly it came
in fits of blue-collar rage
It stormed in, hostile and enthusiastic
Filled with the venom of God
Virile in its arrogance
And completely devoid of reason
It built a specter out of fear
Starting with immigrants
Make America Puritan
A white abstraction
Thinly coded in nationalism
Red ties made a noose
Around the future
And self-preservation took an insidious turn
Toward the worst impulses of the ego
The kinds that revel in cruelty
Punishers are of the devil’s party
Functionally speaking, the devil punishes the wicked
Or so the story goes off into a war with heaven
and a battle for souls
When you operate on Christian nationalism
Even reality is a lie in the hands of a believer
You can believe reality straight into being
This is the ultimate secret understanding
We are the imagination of ourselves
Our lies lay the foundation of the Truth
This is the Language of Eden
This is their ultimate power
Faith is a form of magick
To access it, you must sever logic and reason
Sever caution and nurture certainty
And watch them line up behind
Whichever dog barks the loudest
at the root of silence. paused a powder. rolling backward over the gutter. & dissolved in anOther’s eyes. & a chest secretly envied the outer lining of a gray suit. would disturb the body. scabbing toward her own throat and rolled out at moonlight.
all stopped atop the promise of dust (itself seemed) silent since your vein is wound on time. that crept into what i will call you.
we are masquerading as plucked blossoms. I sleep beneath the blanket you crocheted. I know i feel warmth.
well i'm going to down and up like you stared at God and loaded the bowels of compassion from her nightstand.
the way her bladder empties out & how jesus will swallow the puffy cushions of a comfortable wrath.
the length of god could smell gastric juice.
set in biology
my body could teach me
that sins overlap and imagine
we pass that gleam of lOve
yOu escape through
Gallabrielle Gold
Fetishize your essence
Until your hair turns white
And your lips fall off
And your teeth grow teeth of their own
For which to bite down on your tired heart
Until you expand into a pretty knot
& blow
Prometheus’ Lament
Time vivisects me
I am one with the seething of the sun
Come with me
It is lonely here
There is no way out
Let me spill out of this place
Let me swim toward my salvation
Beckoning with perfect grace
My grim regards
My pleasure
To dance with the devil tonight
To spill into a soft warm womb
And reflect the midnight of creation
Depression Poem
Behold, a surface devoid of depth
Tears are irrelevant
They require energy
I can only pass time
Slowly, like the turning
Of the earth
Spins out of habit
And I cling to a past
Where hope heralded a reason
To move
Time is your enemy, now
Watch as it unfolds another minute
Sinking deeper
Into your own eyes
Closing to the rhythm
Of the rain
Comes down in sheets now
Mocking your lack of tears
Oh, Comforter
Where is your comfort?
I never meant for it to be like this
I never meant
You have to eat the pieces
That shatter into existence
When you reflect back on yourself
Eat your own guts
Tangled in a knot
Before you can see the flowers
Rising from the rain
You have to chew your own lips
Bite your teeth
Taste your tongue
Before one second of this moment
Crashes through the sky
To remind you
You are there
You are there
And the rhythm of your heartbeat
Lurches for a drum
Bridling desire in its own
Red essence
The forgotten throbbing of pain
It’s on days like today
Days that fling themselves into existence
Days that drum slow and sad to the melancholy
Throb of heartpain
That I think death could be as good a friend
As sleep
